my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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