So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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