Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
