i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize