If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
