pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
