This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
