the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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