i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
