saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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