miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
