so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
