Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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