She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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