why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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