my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
