If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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