im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
handjob tips. give me some.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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