I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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