make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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