Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A+ Viking dick
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
