OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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