see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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