He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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