We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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