Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
