I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
