i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want nice things and good sex
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
