Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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