I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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