I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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