Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
