guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
foreskin is a definite game changer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
