New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
