UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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