you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
