we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
