My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
