Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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