My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
