I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
