she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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