Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
