well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
