you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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