Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Randomize
