Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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