Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
