Where is the hickey?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
