I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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