Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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