and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
