3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
