No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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