Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
as a side note pls kill me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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