well I can't set my house on fire every night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
