I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize