I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
where am i from again
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
