Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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