So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
