when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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