There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
And then he peed in my hair
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
