Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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