I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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