Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
