you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I faked an abortion last night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
