wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
50% drunk capacity currently
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
