she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
