I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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