Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
