so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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